Reviews of Blind Squirrel: Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter & Banana, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Peanut Butter Chocolate Pretzel

 

Flavored whiskeys can be fun. Mind you, there are excellent flavored whiskeys, but most of these are for extremely casual sipping. Flavored whiskey is a Class 9 Spirit under Section 5.22, The Standards of Identity, and must be packaged at least 30% ABV (60°).

 

Today, we’re going to dive deep with the Blind Squirrel brand. It is (or was) wholly owned by Universal Brands, Inc., out of Princeton, MN. Per its website:

 

“Universal Brands, Inc., led by industry innovators, excels in the beverage sector, utilizing cutting-edge technology to dominate market segments. With a rich history of success and brand building, we manufacture and produce top brands, focusing on demographic targeting and distributor partnerships. Universal's commitment to excellence extends to packaging, renowned for its bold designs. Employing top-tier specialists, including leading microbiologists and food chemists, we drive innovation in product development. At the core of our culture is a relentless pursuit of advancement, reflected in our pioneering approach to brand growth and product innovation.”

 

This isn’t a reflection on the whiskey, whether it turns out good, bad, or ugly. However, that’s a bunch of marketing horse manure.

 

Universal Brands indicates it owns Xpress Harder Iced Tea and Red Flag Spirits, neither of which I have heard of before today. When I go to the Red Flag Spirits website, I see that it is all about hard seltzers. The Xpress website is only about hard tea. I could find no information online as to whether the Blind Squirrel brand was sold off or is defunct.

 

Blind Squirrel has various peanut butter-flavored whiskey options: Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Peanut Butter & Banana, and Peanut Butter Chocolate Pretzel. All are 35% ABV (70°) and have no identifying information regarding the whiskey’s source other than Canadian with caramel coloring and natural flavors. They’re all available in 50ml for about $1.99 or 750ml for about $19.00.

 

There’s not much more to say here. I found each of these at some random liquor store. I used a fresh Glencairn glass to explore each for my #DrinkCurious adventure.

 

Peanut Butter Whiskey

 

 

Appearance: The flagship possessed a bright yellow color. A medium rim formed; widely-spaced, massive tears eventually collapsed into the pool.

 

Nose: I smelled more microwaved popcorn than anything else, including a note that could have been from it being in the microwave a tad too long. Something was struggling to seem nutty, but the popcorn beat it into submission. I found more corn when I took that air into my mouth.

 

Palate: The texture was creamy, and some peanut butter and popcorn were amongst the ethanol, which dominated both flavors.

 

Finish: I timed it at 0:38, making it very short. Honestly, that’s a good thing.

 

Bottle, Bar, or Bust: I’ve done many peanut butter whiskey reviews and would place Blind Squirrel at the bottom. It reminded me of Revel Stoke’s Peanut Butter Whiskey, which I reviewed in 2021. This one doesn’t even suggest peanut butter, and that’s a huge ding. I don’t care what this costs; it deserves nothing better than my Bust rating.

 

 

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Peanut Butter & Jelly Whiskey

 

 

Appearance: The Peanut Butter & Jelly had the same yellowish color as the flagship. A rim barely formed while tightly spaced, thick, fast tears were jettisoned.

 

Nose: I could discern something that might have been grape jelly. The more I sniffed, the more pronounced it became. There were also sugar cookies. Peanut butter was notably missing. Even taking the vapor into my mouth offered little – almost like cheap white bread.

 

Palate: The texture was fragile and watery. I tasted jelly. It wasn’t grape; it was almost strawberry. It was industrial, which made me frown.

 

Finish: That mildly offensive jelly wannabe flavor just kept building. The finish was, unfortunately, long – I timed it at 2:04.

 

Bottle, Bar, or Bust: Dear God. Do I have to say it? Bust!

 

 

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Peanut Butter & Banana Whiskey

 

 

Appearance: This whiskey poured thick, almost like syrup, immediately catching my attention. The yellow liquid formed a huge rim, releasing thick, fast, widely spaced tears.

 

Nose: At first, I smelled peanut butter wafer cookies. Then, it turned to vanilla wafer cookies. Drawing the air into my mouth exposed me to more vanilla wafer cookies.

 

Palate: The thick and creamy texture tasted just like peanut butter vanilla wafer cookies. There was nothing banana about this.

 

Finish: However, there was that familiar ethanol burn that the flagship owned. There was more peanut butter this time; the wafer cookies sensation died off. I timed the finish at 0:28, making it extremely short.

 

Bottle, Bar, or Bust: This was a better-tasting whiskey than the flagship, but not by much. Where’s the banana? There was nothing remotely even close to it—such a disappointment, hence, my Bust rating.

 

 

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Peanut Butter Chocolate Pretzel Whiskey

 

 

Appearance: The yellow-gold liquid produced a medium-thick rim, shedding widely spaced, crazed tears.

 

Nose: Peanut Butter? No. Chocolate? Negative, Ghost Rider. Pretzel? Uh-uh. I did smell grape jelly, much more so than the Peanut Butter & Jelly expression. Inhaling through my lips offered vanilla sugar cookies.  

 

Palate: The mouthfeel was thick and creamy. I tasted something that resembled milk chocolate. But not peanut butter or pretzels. There was something honey-like as well.

 

Finish: The finish lasted for what seemed to be forever. I had time to talk to Mrs. Whiskeyfellow while waiting for it to fall off. It clocked in at 4:13. There was honey and ethanol.  

 

Bottle, Bar, or Bust: Peanut Butter Chocolate Pretzel Flavored Whiskey is the best of the bunch, and that’s not much of a compliment. Bust. Bust. Bust.  

 

Final Thoughts: Look… I said that you shouldn’t take this category too seriously, but damn, the brand should, right?

 

It is challenging to mess up peanut butter, but by golly, I understand why this Squirrel is blind. I have reviewed well over 1000 whiskeys, and I can count on one hand and have fingers left over the number of times I’ve used the term garbage, but that’s the correct descriptor here. I’m even mad that I spent $8.00 on these bottles. No wonder Blind Squirrel doesn’t appear on Universal Brand’s website. UGH.

 

My Simple, Easy-to-Understand Rating System

• Bottle = Buy It
• Bar = Try It
• Bust = Leave It

 

Whiskeyfellow encourages you to enjoy your whiskey as you see fit but begs you to do so responsibly.